i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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