So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
