After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
