today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
