I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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