You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
