My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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