Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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