Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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