So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Sext me about skeletons
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
