So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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