Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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