I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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