you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
