I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
