and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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