She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
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