Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
