Umm I'm too high to move.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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