my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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