Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
