What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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