cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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