I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
