By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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