New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
