he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
