What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
