she looked like the before picture.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
