Me too!
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
