shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My room smells like vodka and shame
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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