dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
