i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
