I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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