and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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