Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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