i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
