you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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