Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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