My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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