There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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