Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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