I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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