Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
