At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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