break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
