just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
