I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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