turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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