i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
