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Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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