Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
