Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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