The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
