I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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