There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
