Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Congratulations! We have a period
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
