Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
